I sometimes need to descale, destress, unwind and get it out there, I am aware no-one reads these blogs, maybe one day it will be used to recreate me via some clever AI lifeform, but for now I am getting it out and clearing my head, de-pressurising.
I get up at 5.30 every morning. I go to bed WAY too late. And in between… Yesterday I was building websites and doing search engine optimisation. Today I’m putting a roof on a hand-made storage shed in my unit. This afternoon I’m dismantling a desk and building a GIANT 3D printer. Tomorrow morning I’m clearing shelves for storage boxes, and tomorrow night I’m clearing my office out for the decorators, on any given day I’m an IT technician, content creator, architect, admin assistant, bookkeeper, carpenter and painter. Jack of all trades, master of… well, you know how that one ends!
Life is chaos. Upside down, back to front, and it’s like this ALL the time. Most of it I’ve created myself. In typical Lee fashion, every time I say I’m cutting back, I go and take a bit more on.
I don’t always cope
I’ll be honest: I’m not always coping. I know it, I can feel it, and life gets in the way – It isn’t the work that gets me. It’s life, I’ve got four children. Three of them are adults now with busy lives of their own, and I’m so proud of them. My daughter is out there flying the nest and chasing her dreams, but the distance between us is massive, and I miss having her nearby every single day. My youngest keeps me on my toes like nothing else. The two other adult children are very busy and afar too, this year we cannot even pin down a date between now and Christmas that we can all meet, its horrible.
There’s loneliness too. When you work for yourself you can go days with the same four walls and nobody asking how you are. Over the last year my friend circle has MASSIVELY changed. Some people vanished without a trace. The old faithfuls are still there, and a few new ones came out of the woodwork and just shone. Small circles, big hearts, this is a choice I consciously make most of the time, I am so done with people who pull me to pieces, energy vampires, so a small circle suits me.
And there’s anxiety. Right now I’m working on something big. I’m not ready to share it yet, but I’ve put everything into it: go big or go home. I have every confidence it will work. And still, the worry has had me in hospital. Genuine hospital visit, with concerns, and now it all makes sense – go big or go home!
Kindness is rare now, and that’s why it matters
I’m a positive person. I want to put kindness into the world. I don’t see it often, but when I do it gives me a warm glow, and I love that feeling. The world has changed a lot, especially since Covid. Somewhere along the way we all got a bit horrible. Everything gets taken the wrong way. Social media has poisoned us, telling us to be guarded, to assume anyone being nice must want something, and that being nice doesn’t pay the bills.
The older we get, the more we meet people carrying things from their past that still affect them today. Sometimes you end up on the receiving end of their trauma. Understanding that is fine. Tolerating it is not. You can try and let them know its happening, but it then gets twisted and you are the one attacking them, you cant win – and once you get your head round that, it all gets easier!
My Nan taught me honesty, loyalty, strength and love. They’re rare values these days, but I’m keeping hold of them. When someone has your back when you’re not even at the table, it knocks you back, in the best way. That’s the world I want more of. I want a World where people just do it because its kind, not for likes, not for views, and not to throw it in someone’s face.
What actually helps
I set up something at home called Star. Its my own AI, it even has a personality – It doesn’t do my work, so let’s be clear on that. I still build the sites, put the roof on the shed and make every decision, but what it does is take away the noise. It checks my emails, which used to EAT my day, and pulls out what matters. That frees up so much time.
And the numbers… I’ll hold my hands up, I struggle with numbers, especially accounting. Tax bill time used to be the time of year I was most bitter! Star has made that side easy. I know where I stand, and we’re even working on plans to cut some of the bigger costs in life.
That means I cope better with the workload I create. I’ve got headspace for the big project, and room to grow things instead of just keeping them alive. The rest I do the old-fashioned way. Clean eating, walking, the punch bag, a glass of water instead of the other stuff. And my plants: this summer my baby lemon tree gave me FOUR lemons. It’s the little things!
Another go
Infinite Lives didn’t appear overnight. It started as Nixta Internet Services back in 1997, then became Kaygem, WsMWeb, WebHippo and now Infinite Lives. Twenty-eight years of starting again, changing direction and having another go. That’s why the name means so much to me. Everyone runs out of energy sometimes. Everyone loses a life now and then. What matters is that you press start again.
So be kind. Ask someone how they’re REALLY doing. Don’t assume the worst when someone’s nice to you, because sometimes, just sometimes, they are just being nice. And if you’re stretched thin too… you’re not the only one.
Raises glass (of H2O) to another go.
